Sarah

What the Big Men Said

2011-06-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

Kenyatta: You, in your country - you have a "man eats man" situation. *Shakes head in disapproval*

Nyerere: But you - in your country have a "man eats nothing" situation. Which is better?

To Lead, or Not to Lead?

2011-03-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

Inga-Britt Ahlenius served as Under-Secretary General of The Office of International Oversight Servcies at the United Nations between 2005-2010. The report which she submitted after five years of service was considered extremely outspoken, as it held substantial criticism aimed directly at the leadership of Ban Ki-Moon. At a recently held seminar in Uppsala, Ahlenius touched on issues such as the complexity of the United Nations, the political interests of the permanent members of the Security Council, the need for effective and passionate leadership, and on the potential of the UN. Ahlenius considers Ban Ki-Moon "inadequate to lead this indispensable and complex organization".

As I left the University Building, I was left with some sort of conviction and reminder that leadership is essential. The lack there of can cause confusion, chaos and conflict, while good leadership can lead to development. Ahlenius mentioned that "a weak Secretary General is comfortable in his position". How many leaders worldwide are not comfortable in their position? The recent developments in Northern Africa seem to speak for the fact that leaders have a tendency to get comfortable. When it takes a whole popular uprising to force some people out of power, you know they were enjoying the high chair.

"One might ask: What does it take to produce leaders with such values, whose lives becomes their message and who humble themselves and sacrifice for the common good?"

-Wangari Maathai

Peace

Counterproductive Issues

2011-02-26T07:46:00.000-08:00

Benny Dagan, Israels ambassador to Sweden, had a lecture recently in the University Building in Uppsala. His talk was interrupted within seconds of its genesis, with an activist screaming out “Go back Dagan! You are not welcome in Uppsala!” Security took him out, but the tense atmosphere remained.

The speech itself was mainly about Israel, and Israels standing in the Middle East at the moment, with the current upheaval going on in the region taken into special perspective. A little was said about the Peace Process. Benny Dagan said a lot of things that evening – some agreed, others didn’t. I agreed with the following statement, not its specific meaning, but the general and more philosophical message hidden behind the statement:

“You are holding the Palestinians back. It is you who victimizes them.”

He was most probably referring to the quite strong support for the Palestinian cause that exists amongst Human Rights Groups. But as I said, I am interested in the more general meaning, and I want to apply it to the debate on Aid today.

The UNICEF advertisement that is broadcast on Swedish television now and then shows the typical view of a refugee camp in Darfur (only an example). Poor mother, malnourished child, dusty environment – misery, despair, victims of a cruel world filled with injustice. Victims are often portrayed as powerless, disempowered, pathetic, not capable of helping themselves etc. Such a position is not desirable. Most of us enjoy being in control, being in a place of influence – over our own lives and perhaps also over others.

Victims are to be helped because they cannot help themselves.

We have to help the “poor people in sub-Saharan Africa” because they cannot help themselves.

Or perhaps for the more analytical – We have to help the “poor people of East Africa” because they have no capital (or resources, or opportunity, or knowledge) to help themselves.

I do not question the fact that a lot of people in that region live in bad conditions. What I am questioning is how much the lovely aid is helping, if it arrives in the condescending manner that it often does. The European man saving the poor African woman is a common example. When you speak of a people as victims, and emphasize their lack of strength, then people start believing in their lack of strength. It becomes counterproductive. The donors are so busy feeling good about giving, that they stop looking at how the aid actually affects the people on the receiving end.

Small things such as how some things are said make a difference here. Alice Acan, founder of Christian Counselling Fellowship, keeps emphasizing the importance of not calling people traumatized all the time. This is in the post-conflict context of Northern Uganda. She claims that it limited people’s ability to move on.

If all else has failed in this update, my point could be summarized as this: pity helps no one. Money disguised as pity does not help anyone either, especially not when there are strings attached.

Hope helps. Encouragement helps. Empowerment helps. Self-initiation helps.

Trevor Noah, South African comedian, puts it this way:

Peace

Dealing With It

2011-02-12T04:26:00.000-08:00

”They said that there was going to snow chaos today. Mum warned me that they hadn’t ploughed when she left this morning. But I did not expect THIS.”

That is what Gabby said as I met her at the bus stop a few days ago. As I saw her approach the bus stop I had already been waiting for my nonexistent bus for 40 minutes. We started laughing when I told her that. We both find the annual snow chaos in Uppsala quite humorous. Because it is.

Sweden is geographically placed in a way that means that snow will come; it will arrive over night, and it will inconvenience local transport systems. Yet still, ever time this happens, nobody has ploughed away the snow. Uppsala seems to be unique in this matter. This is not a blog update about how Uppsala should learn to handle the snowfall, or about how snow sucks. It is about how people react.

I eventually got on my bus, or should I say squeezed myself onto the bus, and shared dear closeness with lots of strangers. The bus driver was in a bad mood, and so were the majority of travelers. I tried not to start laughing at the situation. As I stood there and smiled to myself, a man behind me said: “Wow, is bad weather all it takes to bring out the monster in us?”

We all have an A-plan in our minds, about how the day is going to turn out. A mental plan about what is going to happen at 12, about where we are going to be, where we are supposed to be, and about where we do not want to be. If something were to come up, for example (depending on where in the world you are…) a power cut, no fuel, snow chaos, no money on your bus card, someone gave you wrong directions etc – how do we handle it? Do we freak out and complain, or do we find humour in it, do we deal with it? And find some other way to cope with the day?

Gottsunda, Uppsala, Sweden

Peace

A Reflection (Strictly)

2011-01-22T02:23:00.000-08:00

Places have paces. I mean this in the most elementary of ways – in some places people walk fast, and in the others, they walk slowly.

As I walked towards the train station after one of my lectures, I reflected on the speed of my stride. It was effective, fast, and to the untrained eye – stressed. Everyone around me was walking in the same manner. I will not claim today, as I may want to do otherwise, that the reason people in Uppsala walk so fast is because they are stressed. A more obvious reason is the weather. When the temperature chooses to stay beneath 0ºC, and the wind ambitiously aims for your neck, then it should not come as a shock that all movement is made towards warm shelters, with haste. Being conscious of my stride; I was reminded of how different the stride was in Pader. The walk to the office took fifteen minutes. The stroll was slow, and relaxed. If one ventured too fast, it would most probably result in unnecessary sweating. I laughed at the contrast.

The reflection was however grounded in the fact that I was carrying the same bag, the same Everest backpack. The contents of the bag were also similar – books, notes, papers, etc. My longheld conviction on the incredible ability of humans to adapt was reinforced. When needed, it seems we can be compatible with almost anything. And all this despite of our luggage, past, memories, earlier experiences, or what have you.

Peace

Actual Date of Writing: 22nd December 2010.

2011-01-05T12:54:00.000-08:00

I write this while seated at Entebbe airport, in southern Uganda, not far from the source of the Nile. As I sit at one of the cafés, with ridiculously overpriced meals, my thoughts are concerned with the Heathrow chaos, with wondering what it is like to travel with kids, which movies will be on the flight, how many hours we will end up being stranded, and so on and so forth. The following reflection is what my mind busily manufactured as we cruised through the hour and a half drive from Kampala to Entebbe.

I have made a journey from Pader, to Kampala, and now proceeding to Uppsala. Travelling entails our physical body changing location. Our lungs adapt to big city pollution, our feet adapt to slippery ground if in an icy area, or perhaps our minds relax in the calm of a quiet country surrounding. As our physical self moves, so does our spiritual (with this I am referring to the mind, the thoughts, the soul– the abstract). For some, it is completely possible for the body to be in one place while the mind is in another. The power of the mind is impressive – it is in here that all the action takes place, and it is here I want to place my focus.

Living in Pader was different. It was a quiet surrounding, but once one got used to it, there wasn’t anything unusual about it. When there, the thoughts were mainly dedicated to trying to understand the past of the place, thinking about the different tasks, reflecting on a recent community meeting, thinking through how much water one has used during the day (not that water was scarce, but it did take a dedicated amount of energy to go fetch more in needed). Since Pader was quiet, one had time to reflect on lots of “life issues”. Some very common, and perhaps not so suprising reflections, were ones of gratefulness, awe at the human spirit – such emotions that one experiences when in a place that has been through a lot.

The last two weeks in Uganda have been spent in Kampala – a busy, noisy, vibrant, and alive in a different sense place. When in town, there is not much time for reflection – the brain is more concerned about not getting hit by the mad taxis speeding down Kampala road.

And as I sit at Entebbe, I reflect upon the fact that just as one can be physically distant from a place – the thoughts that occupied ones mind in that particular place, can also become abstractly and emotionally distant from the mind. Important insights that made so much sense in the quiet stillness, are driven into silence by the loud and perhaps not so important insights of the loud city life. Maybe I am wrong, but it is often in the stillness that insights appear. And if the insights are important, then one should work hard to make sure that they are not silenced by the noise.

Peace

Quoting Common Sense

2010-12-21T00:07:00.000-08:00

The following quotation is from “The Challenge for Africa”, written by Wangari Maathai. It is dedicated “To All the Peoples of Africa”, and is a book full of common sense. The blurb reads:

“In this urgent yet optimistic new work, Nobel Peace Prize winner Wangari Maathai provides a unique perspective on the fate of Africa. Informed by her three decades as an environmental activist and campaigner for democracy, The Challenge for Africa celebrates the enduring potential of the human spirit, and reminds us that change is always possible.”

There is such motivation, hope, strength, and tireless commitment in that book. The following quote is just a small example:

”Africa has been on her knees for too long, whether during the dehumanizing slave trade, under the colonial yoke, begging for aid from the international community, paying now-illegitimate debts, or praying for miracles. At both the top and the bottom, all Africans must change the mind-set that affects many colonized peoples everywhere. They must believe in themselves again; that they are capable of clearing their own path and forging their own identity; that they have a right to be governed with justice, accountability, and transparency; that they can honor and practice their cultures and make them relevant to today’s needs; and that they no longer need to be indebted – financially, intellectually, and spiritually – to those who one governed them. They must rise up and walk.”

-Wangari Maathai,

Peace

Justice Postponed

2010-12-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

On a neatly kept compound in Pader District there is a court room. All the furniture is dark brown, with an additional layer of red dust. The room can seat fifty persons, all equal before the law (or so the story goes). Florence Taaka, my supervisor, had a court case today, and so I accompanied her as moral support and as an observer. The reason for her court case is beyond common sense. A few months ago she accidentally splashed water on two gentlemen while driving in Pader. No one I have talked to can give me any clear information on what the law says about such issues. However, it is generally accepted and practiced in society that if you splash someone you (as a splasher) are required to stop and either give the splashees soap or some money (within a reasonable amount, to for example buy the soap).

I can imagine that some people reading this are wondering if splashing someone with water really is an issue. Well, for some it is a serious inconvenience. What if you only have one shirt? What if there is no money to buy soap? Perhaps it does not count as a criminal offence, but it is a “civil inconvience” or a “civil something”.

The two gentlemen in question asked for 150 000 Ugandan Shillings. This is ten times the reasonable amount. Just after the splashing incident Florence offered soap, a small amount of money, but the men insisted they should go to court. So now it is a case of Florence Taaka vs. Uganda. Indivdual vs. State. The reason it has even reached this level is because the men claim that she splashed them intentionally.

Most, if not all cases that were heard today were small grudges that could most definitely have been solved in a sensible discussion between two sensible human beings. A quarrel between a shop keeper and a customer turns into a man being accused of “assault” and “threatening someones life”. If I ever doubted that all the cases were easily solved outside court, then I am certain that every single case was adjourned, due to lack of sufficient witnesses, the attorney had not finished looking at the file or the accused did not show up. Some people turn up to court several times – they wait, they sit, the stand in front of the magistrate, and are then informed that their case is adjourned. What they see as the solution to their problems is procrastinated.

I sat there and sighed at poor planning, bad time management, and pathetic administration. I was ashamed at the manner by which some people go to court over small issues just to gain a small amount of money. I was reminded by the poor knowledge communities have of the judicial system, and why it is in place. And then I became angry at the societal structure that makes people feel a need to manipulate the structure to get some money.

I am frustrated, because for some people, - life is a story of justice postponed.

Peace

A Global Language?

2010-11-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine is applying to several universities in the Netherlands, and she informed me that she has to take English as a second language because she is not a UK or US citizen. At first I started joking about it, telling her that at least she knows she will be doing well in the classes. However, after giving it a little more that fifteen seconds to settle in, I had a full on reaction. Aina de Guia Eriksson is born in Sweden. Her mother is from the Philippines, and her father is from

Sweden

. Her life is spread out in Asia and Europe – she has several places she can call home. She is trilingual. She speaks English, Swedish and Tagalog (oh, and a little bit of French, and a lot of Spanish). Her strongest language is English. She studied English at Higher Level through an International Baccalaureate course. She did not only study the course, she was one of the best in her class. Her English is good, better, best. She can write a sentence so complicated, you will not even care that you do not know what it means, you will simply stare in awe at the complexity, and fall in love with the sentence structure.

She holds a Swedish and a Filipino passport. So she is not a UK or US citizen. But her English is probably of much better quality than more than half of those citizens. And still she has to take English as a second language. Since when did those two countries have monopoly on English? If globalization is for real, then people need to wake up and realize that English is global – there are so many different dialects that nobody can claim ownership anymore. Several countries have English as their official language - all lessons at schools are held in English, it is the official office language etc. Whether this is a positive or negative thing is a different discussion - but it is a fact. So maybe those universities need to start adding nationalities like Ugandan and Filipino to their list, because that is the reality of today.

Peace

Miscommunication (Warning: Incomprehensive Sentences Follow)

2010-11-22T20:39:00.000-08:00

It is an interesting thing, when what is said is not what is meant, and what is meant is just generally known. I meet this kind of communication everyday. Personally, I prefer the direct communication, where the guidelines are clear and everybody knows exactly what they are supposed to be doing. At The Residence, however, a language of assumption is what is used. I understand the language of assumption, but I stubbornly stick to the direct communication. It makes life simple for some.

S: Caroline, do you need help with the cooking?

C: Maybe no.

S: What sort of an answer is that?

C: What?

S: Do you need help with the cooking?

C: If you want.

S: Caroline, yes or no – do you need help with the cooking?

C: No it is ok.

S: Ok, I will help you.

The assumption exists even before the conversation is held. I am supposed to help Caroline with the meal (assumption). As simple as that; but I still feel inclined to make sure that what is assumed is what is actually true (“unnecessary” conversation). And I have an easy time with this – I know what is assumed. Imagine not knowing the assumption from the beginning – you will be seen as rude, lazy, and as someone who just does not want to help. And then your defence is “But she said she didn’t need help”. People will shake their heads at you and pass serious judgement.

Some people assume that you assume too, and therefore understand the assumption. You may be the kind that knows that the other person assumes, which is why you assume too, and understand the assumption. But there are times when you, being used to a world of direct communication, do not want to assume, and therefore choose not to. Yet this other person is still assuming that you are assuming, and suddenly the ball is in your court. You are forced to surrender, and return to the communication based on assumption.

Perhaps an update on "broken English" will follow. That is if we believe in the expression "broken English".

Peace

About Hope

2010-11-16T23:57:00.000-08:00

Beatrice, one of the students at Pader Girls Academy, has a daughter named Hope. She stares at me suspiciously, and is quite reluctant to answer any questions, or respond to any greeting. Her mother is quite the opposite – open, humorous, caring. When I playfully ask Hope if she is hopeful, Beatrice nudges her, “Tell Sarah – I am! I am hopeful.” In the scope of what I imagine Beatrice has been through, that is a slightly unnoticed testimony in itself.

On our way home from a field visit on Monday, I asked Maxwell (Community Development Officer at IAS Pader) where he had spent most of his time during the war. Following this came an inspiring story, about hope. Maxwell spent most of his time in Gulu, which is one of the biggest towns in Northern Uganda.

He told me about the differences that suddenly existed between him and his friends from primary school, as a result of the war. He had gone ahead with his education, and such persons were sometimes viewed as being boastful, as segregating the community. His old school mates were living completely different lives – some were married, and had families. Others had been abducted by the rebels, and had now returned. At times the parents of some of the abducted children expressed a wish for Maxwell and his brothers to be abducted as well. A sort of “If we are suffering, so should you” mentality existed. “They had lost all hope.”

Maxwell told me about how he initiated a youth group – he registered it with the appropriate offices. What the youth group grew into was an organization that did community work. Simply put. They become agents of change, encouraging each other, encouraging the community.

“In my heart I knew that everything has an end, even the war. The question was whether or not I would live to see that end.”

“It is when a community itself initiates something that the work becomes sustainable.”

“When people think that they will die tomorrow, they will do anything – go join a sugarmummy or suggardaddy, join the army etc. It is because of the lack of hope.”

-Maxwell Oola

I felt an immense sense of hope for

Uganda

as Maxwell shared part of his story in the vehicle on Monday. The sun was setting, MT was driving into the potholes (quite on purpose, I imagine she enjoys it) – we were all dusty and satisfied with the day, and there I was listening to a man telling a passionate story. I was reminded of the fact that having hope is not just an abstract phenomenon that people talk about, it is a necessary phenomenon that people need.

Peace

In the Name of Culture

2010-11-12T22:59:00.000-08:00

Back in high school, we had a subject known as Theory of Knowledge. It was a subject you did not understand, until you understood it, and even then you were questioning whether you could grasp it or not. It was based on critical thinking (I think…) and we used our subjects in school to practice this thing they call “critical thinking”. Early on in the course, we had to think about what is it in us that makes us assume certain things. One of the main factors was cultural background. There are things that we are simply taught to do as children, and some of those habits really stick. Even if we (well, some of us) are taught to think for ourselves, taught to reason, and taught to ask questions – our parents have still introduced to us what is right and what is wrong. I am not criticizing that (because I am criticizing something) but what I am attacking is some of the things we do in the name of culture. So I have harassed a few people.

What in your culture do you question?

Alice Acan (Ugandan): In Acholi culture, it is alright to marry several wives. I do not like that. Girls and women are also seen as having less value, or being of “lower rank”. So when I tell people that all my work is done to empower young girls in education, they think I am mad.

Caroline Okot (Ugandan): A lot of people in Acholi have traditional beliefs. Like when you get twins, you have to sacrifice something. They consult witchdoctors for everything! It scares me.

Lotta Ekblom (Finnish): People are very individualistic . It is about me, myself, and my things – and that is normal. I do not like that.

This morning some guests came by. Juliana, Agnes and Mary had gone to the garden to harvest rice, but it was not yet ready, so they stopped by here for breakfast. And as I was sitting with them in the living room, I decided to harass them as well. With the help of Caroline as my translator, and attempting some little Luo, I asked them a few questions. A lively discussion followed.

At first, when I asked them if they liked being part of the Acholi tribe, they answered in the affirmative. They said they liked everything about being Acholi – they were all in agreement. I asked the question again, and I got the same answer. I told them that I did not believe them – how can you like everything about your culture?

So I asked them if they were married – and following that came questions and answers revolving around the woman’s role at home, having several wives, domestic violence, cooking, upbringing, education, and other subjects.

What they all had in common was that they were once married. They all have children, they all have daughters. They have all been beaten by their husbands. They all expect their daughters to be beaten when they eventually get married. They all laughed at me when I told them that I will refuse to be beaten. They all agreed that it is stupid to beat your wife. They also thought that it is unfortunate for this business to continue for the coming generations.

But when asked why such things happen, or if we could change – there was silence, shaking of heads, and just general judgement on the person who asked the question.

“Some things you just accept.” Min Agwa shared, “When I first got married, and I did something I knew was wrong, I would go and get the stick myself, give the stick to my husband, and lie down so he would beat me.”

“In my heart I see it is wrong, but everyone around me sees and does the same thing. So I also just accept.”

– Juliana

“It is how we do it in Acholi. Maybe we want to change, but it is difficult.”

– Agnes

Caroline started complaining that she was tired of translating, so I let the discussion rest. We had been at it for over an hour.Yet somehow I feel we cannot let such things rest.

So now I want to harass you – What in your culture do you question?

Peace

Elections & Quotes

2010-11-09T06:16:00.000-08:00

Ugandans will line up to vote in February 2011. Campaigning has started, and the presidential candidates are moving around the country, trying to gain support in mass rallies. Politics here is an interesting thing. Here are some quotes, uttered in the recent week, by people in my midst. I choose to keep them anonymus, but it gives a picture of what elections means to some.

"I am voting for Betty Kamya, because she is a woman. We need serious change."

"I am voting for Museveni (current President), because we all already know that he has won."

"I am voting for Mao."

"If you do not want to vote for Mao, do not go to his rallies and speeches - he will defnitiely convince you."

"Museveni is going onto his nth term, and he will not stop there."

"Hm, Uganda has serious vote-counting issues."

"I am not going to vote. We already know who will win. The more interesting question is who will come second, and third."

"When Museveni comes to Pader, he better not come in his helicoptre. I want him to drive on the bad roads, get stuck, so he sees how some of us suffer locally everyday."

"If the NRM (current party in majority) does not go through, some of us are anticipating chaos. But they will go through."

Peace

Fighting the Single Story

2010-11-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

The media is often blamed for portraying a much too one-sided image of this continent. The continent Africa, that is ignorantly mistaken to be a country in some cases. When people ask what Africa is like, I wonder if they have really thought through their question. Nevertheless, the continent is usually referred to as a bulk, and with that bulk come concepts such as poverty, famine, bad governance, corruption, Millenium Development Goals, UN convoys etc. The list goes on, but I am sure that most people know what the stereotype is. Yet still surprisingly many do not recognize it as a stereotype.

A similar situation is what represents the North-South relationship in Uganda. The North has been under conflict for over 20 years. A peace agreement was signed in 2006. The media in Uganda had been reporting about big massacres, rebel movement, ambushes, abducted children and other atrocities for years; this is the image that many Ugandans have of the North. And even now, four years after the war has ended, that image is what remains. Recently in office, after a meeting with an NGO by the name of Oasis, we talked a little bit about it. One of the representatives expressed his frustration with some people’s (that is, Ugandans from the Southern/Western regions) conception of the North. “If people were told about Pader, about how many guest houses and hotels are being put up, about the development, about the vibrant life – they would stop fearing this place so much.” But the media pictures have stuck. Florence Taaka, Project Coordinator of IAS Pader, is often met with the question “Eh, but how do you survive?” when she goes to Kampala. During the discussion I suggested using the media to turn against the negative wave of information that has been flooding peoples minds for the past fifteen or so years. My suggestion was that if people believe the media, then that could be used, perhaps through the “Letter to the Editor” format. The argument was countered – the media will show what the people want to hear. And bad news sells.

What if the news you heard about Uganda was positive? Recent articles have been a lot about the issues regarding homosexuality in Uganda, or about ICC trying to prosecute rebels. What if there was an article that spoke of all the good work that many Community Based Organizations do? About communities that are working together, in their own capacity, for their future. How would that be for a change?

Communities, regions, and nations, are diverse, dynamic, and alive. And perhaps all things are better experienced. Maybe, as Cosma from Oasis shared, people need to see it to believe it. And that refers to the ignorant girl in Sweden who does not really know where Lebanon is on the map, as well as the middle aged accountant in Kampala who still thinks massacres are part of everyday life in Pader.

My goodness, this subject could go on for ages, so please feel free to go on for me, in the comment space.

Peace

A Morning in Pader

2010-11-03T23:55:00.001-07:00

The sun rises early in Uganda. It seems to sympathize with our lack of manmade light – so it rises, and brings everything to life in the span of fifteen minutes. By the time Lotta and I leave the house, around 07:30, the ground is heated up, but the air is still cool. We start our walk towards Pader Girls Academy, with intention of attending their morning assembly. Talking loudly and energetically on the way, we pass people, several small shops selling everything from rice and toothbrushes to envelopes and sodas, goats, dogs, young children on their way to school – all part of the Pader scene. Big vehicles heading to field pass by, and leave us covered in red dust. I’m asking myself why I am wearing a white t-shirt.

The walk to PGA can be done in fifteen minutes. As we enter the compound, we slow down our pace, realizing that even if we are late, the girls are late too, so in true Ugandan style – the assembly will start later than scheduled. The girls assemble on the compound outside the Catering Hall. The assembly is a blend of blue and green uniforms, the hot sun that by now is burning the necks of all attending the assembly. The prefect standing at the front of the gathering starts shouting “You people, let’s start! We’re delaying everything!” The girls organize the assembly themselves, if a teacher is not present. As the prefect starts the “Oh Uganda” chorus of the National Anthem, some girls are still brushing their teeth while others are frantically smearing in Vaseline in their faces.

The prefects have a few announcements, regarding Saturday’s activities (World Vision has organized a happening at the school) and general discipline. The atmosphere is light, people are making jokes, while silently worrying about Exams that start next week. Lotta and I stay and talk a little bit with the girls before we walk back into town. Lotta has some office work to finish off at CCF, and I am heading towards the IAS Office. We meet people we know on the way, stopping to greet, laugh, and wish a good day. Some are heading to Ayago Restaurant to have breakfast, others are moving towards their respective work places.

By now, the sun is hot for real. Lotta is complaining that she is already sweating, and I have made a mental plan of how much water I need to buy today. It is 08.30 and offices are opening. Another Thursday in Pader has begun.

Peace

Past, Present, Future

2010-11-02T03:01:00.000-07:00

I am living in a post-conflict community. Some people speak of the war openly, others don't. I mentioned "trauma counselling" once and was met with the following reaction: "Why do you call it trauma counselling? Our communities are not so traumatized any more. It is called POST-traumatic." It is an interesting balance - trying to understand a regions past, while wanting to work towards a better future. And as always, there is relevant literature on the subject. The "Development Dialogue" essays that have been published by the Dag Hammarskjöld Foundation are currently taking up a lot of space in my bag. The title of the essay collection is "Responses to mass violence - mediation, protection, and prosecution". And I found a highly relevant paragraph in one of the essays:

"In Uganda, a vocal majority of Northern Ugandans would rather use traditional Ugandan conflict resolution rituals to put the conflict behind them and move forward, rather than prolonging the conflict by holding Joseph Kony up for ICC prosecution, since he will not come in from the bush to negotiate with the ICC indictment on his head."

- Melanie Greenberg, quoting Scott Worden.

The following quote is from one of the books we read in high school. It is from the foreword to Ariel Dorfmans "Death and the Maiden":

"How can those who tortured and those were tortured co-exist in the same land? How to heal a country that has been traumatized by repression if the fear to speak out is still omnipresent everywhere? And how do you reach the truth if lying has become a habit? How do we keep the past alive, without becoming it's prisoner? How do we forget it without risking its repetition in the future? Is it legitimate to sacrifice truth to ensure peace?"

-Ariel Dorfman

Perhaps the issue seems like the above quote - a fair amount of questions, and not so many answers. As our time in Pader flies by, we see so many people who work for the future. There is an impressive motivation to move forward. Some have given up, yes, but everyday I meet people who want to transform their society. We met with a woman called Grace last week. She is politically active, and is a member of Faith Mission Church in Pader. She was part of a training that IAS had during the spring on "Community Empowerment", and she said that it motivated her so much. "I want to be part of building my community towards the better."

Call it a naïve conclusion, but with such a motivation, somehow the questions cease to be so "impossible".

Peace

The Field

2010-10-28T06:27:00.001-07:00

When we talk about "field", we mean the surrounding subcounties in Pader District (I have failed to find a good map online). And when we say "we have been in the field" it entails a diet of glucose biscuits and water. That, and a lot of sunshine. The ones who claimed they were of the lighter skin colour will now have to take back any such claims - they are either of the orange or red category. As for the ones who fixed their hair nicely, all hair is in need of saloon. The "proper" English grammar has also mysteriously disappeared, and somehow the concept of lunch is something unknown.

Hectic, but fun, and with countless memorable quotes.

Peace

"Creating a Positive Reaction"

2010-10-25T08:14:00.001-07:00

"We will not return to what was. Even if IAS goes away, we will only move forward."

-Chairman of Water User Committee in Olupe Ojule (a village in Omot Subcounty, Agago District, Northern Uganda).

As the evaluation of the projects and programmes that IAS has in Pader goes on, we meet different views. In some villages where IAS has had Water and Sanitation programmes, it is difficult to find a single pit latrine. There are some communities that are tougher to work with than others. Why? The answers range from collective traumatization to bad leadership. As we moved around in the households today, I was encouraged, and I saw myself comparing the IAS mission statement with what was going on on the ground.

IAS mission statement:

"to save lives, promote self-reliance and dignity through human transformation, going beyond relief and development."

Self reliance is something that is being discussed more and more in relation to aid. Being dependent on aid is a big problem. This is why I found the first quote so touching. One woman put it this way:

"The IAS programme taught me that I can make a positive change in my community, in my own capacity."

In some villages where we go, they have no idea what IAS is, but when you mention the name of the IAS staff, they all know them. Florence (Project Coordinator, IAS Pader) has at least one girl named after her, and Irene (Community Development Officer, IAS Pader) can name three villages where kids are named after her. The IAS staff are impressive, as I have mentioned before, and their community work is showing more and more during the evaluation. They really work together with the people in the communities.

IAS is, in true line with its motto is creating a positive reaction.

I challenge you to go and create a positive reaction in your everday environment.

Peace

Rain & Roads & Roads & Rain

2010-10-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday. A Saturday in Pader has involved waking up, washing clothes (the most entertaining part being how fast the clothes dry. The sun is so hot early in the morning that you can see the water evaporating from the clothes. That is real heat!), making pancakes (based on powdered milk and Blue Band. And for you who do not know what Blue Band is, it is a margarine that does not need a fridge, and is the staple food of East Africa. For you who do know what Blue Band is, you know what I mean.), eating the pancakes, drawing, visiting the school to see some of the girls, having lunch at Ayago Restaurant, laughing at ourselves, laughing at others, and then finally making our way to the WFP Compound in Pader to watch some Premier League games and check email. That is Pader.

At the moment, the rain has swept in over Pader, and it is here to terrorize the vehicles that are still in the field. A wellknown joke is that the main point in the job description of an NGO worker is driving around in a big Landcruiser. It is perhaps not the main point, but it is one of the things that is constantly done. The Landcruiser will definitely take you to, and from, the field in one piece. But the rain is still threatening. It will make the bad roads worse, and the passable roads – well, they become less passable. So I imagine, that if we were in the field now, we would see how NGO vehicles from WFP, UNHCR, IAS, ZOA, WarChild etc. make their way back to Pader town, desperately trying to avoid sleeping in the field.

The roads are a factor in everything here. During the week, we planned the coming week, where a lot of field work was to be done. And the logistics that usually involve things like fuel, water and drivers had an additional factor to consider – can we actually get to the places we want to go to? The board was full of names of subcounties, and then the condition of the road written after it. Phrases such as “Ok, but there is a bad spot!” or “Bad, but passable” popped up on the board.

One can plan, and plan, and plan. One can have a back up plan, and another back up plan, and yet another. But once it rains, all plans fail, and we rely on God and our Majestic Landcruisers to keep us safe.

That is Pader for you. One of the best places on earth.

Peace

The Diverse House of Noise [Our Crib]

2010-10-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

We often do not have time for analysis of our own lives; so reflection will have to suffice. This time, reflection has moved along the lines of two movies. One of which the title of this text is connected two, and the other is musically genius piece that is about a group of soul sisters who live together, from different walks of life, and simply share life. At the moment I live in a house with the following women: Min Agwa, Alice, Maria-Therese, Christine (her son Jacob, lives with us too, he is 2 months old), Lotta and Caroline. These are people who have cried themselves to sleep, drenching pillows in different nations; in the big land across the Atlantic, in the depths of the East African jungle, on flights crossing continents. These are people who have worked, given up, picked up the fight again, fallen, gotten up again, gone to school, passed, failed, and passed again. These are women who know what they are talking about, and who have no idea what they are talking about. These are women who will give you a piece of their mind, yet share their entire heart. These are women who have walked, talked, and talked (for this is what we do best). It is done in different languages, with faith in God and hand gestures to make ourselves understood. And the reflection that I am living in a place that is filled with stories, life and laughter somehow slipped my mind. This is until I sat down and reflected; that I was living with a group of soul sisters, from different walks of life. I choose to call the house we stay in The Residence, although a more appropriate name may be House of Noise - because we laugh and laugh and laugh, in between frustrated tears and heartfelt goodbyes; because we live and experience and because we are. And the relationships stretch beyond generations, replacing gaps with understanding.

All different, all together.

Alice Acan has an incredibly open home, and she has so many extra rooms that are constantly filled up with friends, family, visitors, passersby - you name it. Living there makes every day an adventure. Some people come and go and you will have no idea who they are, or where they come from. It is as if I want to start each conversation with "So... who are you?". We are loving every minute of it.

Peace

Laguti Peace Club, Language Issues & General Update

2010-10-13T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the CCF Office. To my right there are stacks of boxes filled with books that are going to distributed to several primary schools today. So we are off in the Majestic Landcruiser, and going to see more of the day-to-day field work that CCF does.

Yesterday we were also in the field. We visited Laguti Primary School, and spent some time with the Laguti Peace Club. This is one of the areas where CCF works. While we were there, the children worked together with us, Derrick, a radiopresenter from Luo FM, and Dennis (CCF Staff), to prepare a Radio Spot Message. This is a one minute clip that is broadcast on the radio at different times during the day. The message was about childrens' rights and responsibilites. We first wrote it in English, and then it was translated into Acholi. Two members, Scovia and Solomon, then read the message out loud and it was recorded. I find it interesting how Acholi is mainly a language of speech, not of written form. Children do not learn Acholi in school, since lessons are held in English. Yet it is the language that is used in everyday life. Translating "emotion and social development" into Acholi took a while, because those specific words did not exist.

Members of Laguti Peace Club, just before we left.

Onto something difference, here are some articles about Pader Girls Academy:

"At Pader Girls" - The Observer

Article/Interview by UgandaFund

Peace

A Small Picture, In Pictures

2010-10-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

MT and her newfound love - The Pineapple.

Liz, Lotta, Me, and MT, in an elevator at Garden City in Kampala.

My Great Aunt during a visit in Hoima (Western Uganda)

Travelling... We've spent a lot of time in a car.

Juliet, Country Director of IAS Uganda, scrapes the burnt tips of the maize, during the journey from Kampala to Pader (27th September).

Our home in Pader.

Florence Taaka, Field Coordinator IAS Pader, speaking to the Bulugi community during the commissioning of a borehole.

Carolines silhouette. When elecricity goes, then your imagination works well. And there are a lot of things one can do with a headlight, a wall, and a camera.

A performance by some of the students of Pader Girls Academy during the Comissioning of the Science Laboratory.

The internet is still quite disagreeable, so for now, this will do.

Peace

Reactions, Imbalance & CCF

2010-10-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

This week, Lotta and I are working with CCF. Today we have been in office, with an abundant amount of free time, and helping out with filing and other practical things. In organizations like CCF, the office work is definitely not the main thing - the real thing happens in the field. We did not have opportunity to go to the field today, but tomorrow we are hoping to go and see what CCF does in some of the communities. If interested in the areas we will be helping out in, check out the homepage (see first sentence in this update).

The frustration that I am speaking of was caused by this realisation. We were browsing the CCF homepage to see what areas we can encourage people "back home" to get involved in, when it comes to donations, sponsoring etc. One area is sponsoring a student for $150 a month. This is enough for school fees and school materials for an entire year. A Swedish school student in high school receives $157 every month, as a grant from the government. Most students in high school spend this money on entertainment purposes, cinema, sweets, fika and other enjoyable things in life. This world is seriously imbalanced, and I am only seeing more and more things that emphasize that fact. Imbalance is frustrating. My father would wisely tell me not to get frustrated, and stop wasting energy on being frustrated, and instead spend it on trying to create some sort of balance in the world. But I have reacted, and I am passing on this thought. Because it makes you think. And perhaps do something.

Go check out the CCF Homepage. Their work is impressive, and I am honoured to get to see it firsthand.

Peace

Fake Apologies, People & Routines

2010-10-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

After the responses to the last update:

I sincerely apologize for calling Swedes stressed. This was not my intention. But there seems to be accumulated stress in Sweden, and my reasoning tells me that the stress comes from somewhere. Lotta put it this way yesterday: "In this country, now never means now." The buses do leave at 8.13 in Sweden, and if they do not, then it is generally accepted that one can complain. So I guess I am claiming that Swedes (don't we just love generalizing?) are stressed, but they are not aware of it. That is all Swedes, except the ones in Långsjöby. And I realize that my apology does not mean anything after this defensive paragraph.

It is impressive how fast one can get used to new routines. For some, it takes ages, but eventually we learn how to adapt, how to cope with something new. We have only been in Pader a week, but some routines have settled in. I thought I would introduce you to the morning routines, and to the people that make the routines worthwhile:

As my system wakes me up at 6am every morning, you would think I would be the first person to wake up. But by the time I awaken, I can already hear noise from the kitchen, and the early morning conversation between Alice, Mary and Caroline. Alice is the Mother of the Household, she is also one of the founders of Christian Counselling Fellowship, a hardcore peanutbutter fan, a strong woman, and a wonderful friend. If Alice is the Mother of the Household, then Mary will have to take the position as Grandmother. She is almost half of Alices height (Alice is one tall woman), but her personality brings her to the same level. Mary does not speak much English. But we have learnt that she is a very humorous person, always cracking jokes, and laughing at people, and enjoying life. She takes care of the house, while the rest are away. Caroline is Alices niece, and she stays with us. She is our dedicated Acholi teacher. She has taught us so much already, and enjoys laughing at us as we attempt to do the things she does. For example, when Lotta and I accompained her to fetch water, Caroline elegantly places the 20L jerrycan on her head. Lotta was carrying a 10L bucket, and I was struggling with the 20L jerrycan. We are glad we can be to people's entertainment.

After hearing the morning noise, I will get up, and go greet the people in the kitchen (practcing my Acholi, so I will usually attempt to say Ache Maber, with means Good Morning).

The mornings are taken at their own pace, around 7am we eat breakfast together in the living room. Talking of what happened yesterday, or laughing at one of Marys comments, discussing the events of the day. Breakfast consists of bread, bananas, tea, peanutbutter, and a good book. Sometimes we will eat pineapple. Alice goes to office at 7.30 / 8 ish. And depending on the events of the day, the rest of us usually leave around 8.30. This is after we've played guitar, chorro (intense and addictive boardgame), and exercised our voices a little (I will never regret bringing the guitar).

Mornings are for living. I will always stand by that comment, and I have great opportunites of doing just that in Pader.

Peace

Another Update (But words are not enough for this experience)

2010-10-05T00:31:00.000-07:00

A litle more than a week back, in Kampala, we went to see the Ndere Group perform traditional dances from various regions in Uganda. The presenter was a seriously humorous individual, and one of the jokes involved making fun of people from the developed world. He characterized them as stressed, always going somewhere, working hard to simply be on time. And then he presented the alternative, that is the Ugandan lifestyle - relaxed. During the weekend we enjoyed that relaxation. I do not know how to put it best, but the general stress that seems to exist in Sweden is something I am yet to find here. This may be because I still do not have as many responsibilities in Pader, as I did in Uppsala. I am still somewhat of a visitor. But even then, I watch the IAS staff say that they are stressed, and yet there are nowhere close to the stress I claim exists in Sweden. Stress is, in my opinion, something that happens in the mind. And so far, the atmosphere in Pader is eventful, busy, but relaxed. That equation is yet to be understood.

Apart from learning how to relax, our eyes have been opened more and moreto the history of the region. Northern Uganda has been a No Go Zone since the 80s. Peace was established in 2006, while military escorts while travelling did not end until 2008. The rebel group, selfnamed the Lords Resistance Army, have caused problems and problems and problems for the people of Northern Uganda. This is rebel group that claimed to be fighting for the people, against the government. Abducted children, child soldiers, orphaned children, massacres are amongst repeated words when talking about the war. So we are living in an area with a tough history, and we are learning, and attempting to get a picture of it, one story after another. The individual experiences are so different, yet all are heartbreaking, frustrating, and difficult to relate to. But it is also encouraging to the see the work that is being done, to see lives being rebuilt. I am becoming more and more convinced that it is all Gods grace.

If you asked me today what I think of Pader, I would say it is diverse. It ranges from the difference between the big NGO Land cruisers and the small transportation bicycles, to the pitch darkness of the night and the scorching heat and light of the day, the silence outside Pader town, and the bustling life inside Pader town.

Since the last update we have commissioned another borehole with IAS, been to church, joined in Acholi dancing, learned some more Acholi, met more people, shared more experiences, been laughed at (we are extremely entertaining people) etc. Today we are going to Pader Girls Academy to help with the preparations for tomorrow, when the new Science Lab is going to be commissioned.

All is well.

I hope the above statement refers to you also.

Peace

Update, Inspiring People & Challenges

2010-09-28T23:11:00.000-07:00

At the moment I am sitting at the CCF Office in Pader. CCF stands for Christian Counselling Fellowship. Since we arrived in Uganda on the 22nd of September we have laughed, talked, eaten, verociously consumed fruits, sang, gotten stuck in traffic jams, travelled distances to visit family and friends, visited countless numbers of people, played guitar, had the best Italian pizza (Caffe Roma!), danced, enjoyed the heat, and a lot more. Are we fine? Very much so. We have been welcomed in true ubuntu style, and are very grateful.

We arrived in Pader two days ago. Pader is a district in Northern Uganda. Our first day in Pader involved accompanying IAS into the field to commission two boreholes. This is when IAS (International Aid Services) officially hands over the borehole to a community. It involved speeches from Local Council leaders, discussions about sanitation, and very energetic speeches from the representatives of IAS - Julius Bitamazire, Juliet Namukasa, and Florence Taaka. Hats off to those three. And also to Maxwell, who is responsible for a lot that happens in "the field" - dedicated people. I am more than impressed.

One of the things IAS strives for is "promoting self reliance" and this is definitely something that was emphasized in the speeches. It was inspiring, touching, and educating to listen to them talk. Juliets first speech, to the Bulugi community suggested that the community was rich. As she spoke, the people listening looked at her in doubt. An elder in the community asked her "If we were rich, why would we need your help?" Juliet continued to counter that question with the following statement - "If we came with oxen and ox-ploughs, and you did not have land, what good would it do? It is because you are rich, that we come to support you." I loved that argument.

In her second speech she emphasized the importance of realizing selfworth. It is through realizing how important the individual is, that one can strive for development in ones environment. If you think you are important, then you will make your home a good place to live. Other things that were emphasized are sustainability, collective responsibility, sanitation, the partnership between the community and IAS, ownership of the well etc.

I think one of the main things that I saw yesterday was gratitude. One woman put it this way, a statement I had to have translated to me, since I do not speak Acholi:

"Thankyou for providing clean and safe water. Thankyou for saving us."

We are staying with a woman called Alice, who works for CCF. She calls the life we have started living "basic". Keeping it simple. Keep it simple. Is that not what I have been preaching for the past few years? I can talk a lot. So now the challenge is on me, can I walk the talk? I welcome the challenge.

And for you people who want to see pictures, please be patient, eventually they will be available, so you can adore our beautiful faces, surroundings, and experiences.

Peace

That's What's Up

2010-09-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

I will now make a break in the traditional nature of this blog, and write about the insignificant events of my day. Nothing intellectual, just facts.

I sit in a room that has organized packing placed nicely by the door. The rain is pouring down outside (the angels in Sweden are mourning the loss of me). The rain intensifies the travelling spirit in me.

The taxi that is taking us to the airport arrives in six hours. During these six hours, I will be watching a certain Julius Bitamazire panick-pack, while I relax and read and look forward to the two greatest places on earth - Aiports & Kampala. It is always easier to leave a place, than to be left behind. Fortunately for me, I am the one travelling. And if we are to get complex - I am leaving one home, and going back to another. But I take this opportunity to assure my friends and family in this Northern home that I will miss you too, I will be back, and enjoy the peace and quiet while I am gone.

DEPARTURE: 21st September, 18.50, EIGHTEEN FIFTY.

ARRIVAL: 22nd September, 07.45, SEVEN FORTY-FIVE [Take none, give a few - because we are all shifitng into Ugandan time mode].

TERMINAL FIVE, THE PLACE TO BE.

Peace

Forgetting People, Remembering Numbers

2010-09-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book called “Tall Grass; Suffering and Peace in Northern Uganda” by Carlos Rodriguez Soto. It has its source in the personal notes of a Spanish priest, Father Carlos, who worked in Northern Uganda for a long period of time, especially during the really bad days.

The book is not the most cheerful kind, but it is inspiring, and moving. The following quote is from the book:

“Amongst the worst atrocities committed by the LRA [Lords Resistance Army] are the massacres that have been carried out to instill as much terror as possible. The list is endless. The first of these took place in April 1995 at Atyak, when more than 200 people were lined up on the bank of a river and shot in cold blood.”

200 people. 200 is a number. 200 people is a tragedy.

Without sounding too self absorbed, this is how I reason. I, as a person, have been taught to reach for the sky, dream and plan, adjust the plans a little; but in general – I have plans for the future. So when I think about somebody shooting me, the first thing that hits me is “But what about my purpose? What about my walk of life?” - Selfish? Yes, sometimes I think it is. Since my thought pattern follows this logic, my first thought when I read about the 200 people who were shot should be “Did they have life plans? Were they taught to dream?”

But, unfortunately, it isn’t. The cruelty of numbers is that it distances us from reality, and such questions only arise too late, or maybe they never do. And when they do arise, we brush them aside. We have learnt to overlook the tragedy, and simply see the number. Perhaps as a method of self preservation, attempting to simplify the complicated.

Maybe it is naïve to think that one can look into a situation like this, to look to the individual – some say it is best to have the awareness of the tragedy in the back of our minds, guiding our decisions, but not letting it get to us completely.

At times, however, it seems that we have forgotten the people behind the numbers. The 4 million people affected by the 2010 Pakistan floods, are just numbers. Their dreams, plans, and future hopes become nonexistent. It really is a shame. Shouldn't it motivate people to know that they are working to protect a mothers dreams? Is not the greatest motivation, something that stems out of compassion for other people?

200 people. 200 is a number. 4 million is a number. Numbers are numbers.

But people are people.

Remember that.

Peace

Priorities

2010-09-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

Having been in Uppsala a few days, I have realized that I will never have time to meet all the people I want to meet. The calendar is messy, full of names and times. In the middle of all this, a university application has to be sent in. One would think that the people and university application would be prioritized, but alas - next weeks Tuesday has a wellknown name written across it:

DUCORAL! This is the vaccine against cholera, and I have definitely made sure I won't forget it...

Calendar = life saver.

So amidst goodbyes, and see you laters, and also from reading the blogs of other volounteers going out. A lot of the people at the SIDA course are flying out to their respective countries this week; and reading about their flights and preparations makes September 21st (that is, The Day) seem closer.
Peace

Uppsala - Mora - Härnösand - Uppsala

2010-09-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

This can be seen as the beginning of the adventure. And since the dot.com generation is lazy and would rather see the pictures than have me describe them to you in beautiful language, here are a few pictures. We are now back in Uppsala, and will be hanging here until the 21st. The calendar seems full already, booking in fikas here and there, and planning for the period after we've been in Uganda. Expectations and excitement are on an all time high.

"The Dudu" - The wondercar that has taken us up and down and around Sweden. I do not know how it is still alive, or how the sound system hasn't broken apart.

Lotta and her coffee. Where would we be without either of them?

Before the SIDA course we were in Mora, fundraising with IAS for water projects in Africa.

Amongst other lectures on Development, Sustainability, Peace and Conflicts (and maaany more) we had a very interesting one on Democracy. Above is part of the session.

Sida Partnership Forum

Music. Dance. Chaos. Fun. An incredible mix of East African tunes, to Bollywood Soundtracks, to Jazz, to Techno etc.

Board games = best way to pass time.

Lotta and MT on one of our stops from Härnösand to Uppsala.

PEACE

Meet My Comrades

2010-09-02T00:25:00.000-07:00

After having been told about collective thinking, and about how individualistic thinking is dominant in Sweden, I have chosen to introduce you to the other two elements that will form the us and the we of the coming period.

I am, because you are, because we are.

Lotta

Lotta, and MT; my dedicated comrades.

Peace

Wisdom Right Thurr:

2010-09-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

Chimamanda Adichie, one of my favourite authors, speaking on "The Danger of a Single Story". Interesting perspective. Challenging words. And even if the speech is eighteen minutes, she engages you, and the eighteen minutes feel like nothing. Watch it!

Humour, Hyperbole & Some Serious Stuff

2010-08-29T12:39:00.001-07:00

This being the last Sunday in Härnösand, MT and I walked the short distance to Hemköp (A Swedish grocery store) and bought a few ingredients. As we had bought all the necessary ingredients, I see how MT starts wandering around the place, simply looking at the overly priced items on the shelves. I move towards her and ask her if we have got everything we need for our fabulous meal, and she answers in the negative. I ask her this, because I am way too economic for my own good, and I do not want her to buy too much. I am not only economically minded, I am also a nice friend, so I let her wander around. She looks at things, murmurs a few words about wanting desert, and talks about adding berries to the ice cream. And eventually we definitely need something to drink with the outrageous meal, so we definitely need to buy some lemonade. And the meal ends up being double the price. I may have exaggerated, but my point is that OVERCONSUMPTION IS THE BACKBONE OF MODERN SOCIETY. Obesity shouldn’t even be a problem, but it is. We buy too much, consume too much, and take way too little responsibility for our actions. So in true honour of modern society, I am going to consume the icecream we payed too much for, and complain about the problems we can actually solve.

Good evening/night/morning/day to you.

Thoughts from Härnösand

2010-08-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

I have been at the SIDA course now for three days. And during these three days I have learnt things, and munched up information that I now wonder how I could live without. The general mood after a lecture is sad, angry and frustrated. After a few comic relief phrases we are back in joking mood, but it takes only five minutes and we are all back into discussing how we can influence certain industries, how we can do our part in international development. We want to change things. We feel small and powerless. But we know that we are not inisignificant.

Together, a group of people can do a lot. The lecturers keep presenting different dilemmas, about the conflict in power relationships, between a country receiving aid and the coutry giving aid, or perhaps about the Agriculture Policies of the EU, and they all end the presentation in the same way: It is up to our generation to do something, to keep the ball rolling, and make it roll faster and more sustainably (An extremely faulty metaphor, but it works).

So after three days I think the general feeling is that we feel inspired, frustrated, informed, curious, and excited.

Peace

A Jam Session

2010-08-19T11:06:00.000-07:00

Today, on the day before the Adventure commences, I spent the day with Hannah, at Hannahs. Even if her residence is only a 20 minute walk from my house, I took the bus. I blamed it on the heavy load I was carrying. This was a pathetic excuse, because my heavy load was the lightest and merriest load one can carry – my guitar. Beautiful instruments are always practical (I can already think of several instruments that contradict that, but the sentence sounded nice in my head so I will leave it there).

Hannah and I jammed through the afternoon. We took it from Tracy Chapman to Stacey Kent to Bob Dylan to Bob Marley to our own Mango Tree song to Neil Young to Improvisations. The joy of the afternoon was finding a harmonica in Hannahs guitarcase. So we created and recreated music, and this song was the most successful. Take two minutes to listen, the man is surely a genius.

Peace

TCKs, Globalization, Prejudice.

2010-08-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

The concept of Third Culture Kids is something that has become increasingly well known around the world, or at least amongst the group of people that fit under the criteria. Several Facebook groups are dedicated to TCKs, books are written on the difficulties of being one and it is often a point of common ground. So what is a TCK? Or more correctly, who is a TCK? According to Pollock and Reken, authors of a book on TCKs, a TCK is an "individual who, after having spent a significant part of their developmental years in a culture other than that of their parents, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures while not having full ownership in any". A few qualities that the Facebook list attributes to a TCK is often being of mixed nationalities, flying before you learn how to walk, feeling quite at home at an airport but not really knowing where home is. According to the TCK book " the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience."

If there is one thing that I feel defines a TCK is the complete oblivion we live in. Globalization is to a TCK not something yet to achieve, it is part of everyday life. And it is as if we think that everyone lives in such a diverse, international, globalized environment. My first awakening from this was when I moved to Sweden, at the age of 14. Having grown up in an international school in Kampala, I was constantly surrounded by Koreans (they really are everywhere…), Americans, Ugandans, Kenyans, Filipinos, Germans, Indians etc. etc. etc. In Sweden I was the only foreigner, along with an Icelandic kid who had lived in Sweden all his life. And I wasn’t even foreign. Half Swedish, I spoke the language fluently, but yet I was labeled as foreign (not in a negative way, simple as a fact). But what a shock it was, to realize that majority of the class all shared one nationality. It was perhaps one of the main things that they had in common. What struck me was how easy it then would be to accept that the one thing the class did have in common was nationality, culture and shared ancestors, and then not bother to see what else people had in common. This could seriously lead to someone then meeting another 14 year old from Somalia, and the first thought that strikes the Swedish 14 year old is to think of all the differences between him and the Somali kid.

What a shame, if that is the case. A close friend, Gabriel Winter, once said “I love it when my own prejudices are proven wrong.” I couldn’t agree more. We are often too quick to judge, and that has a lot to do with how we are raised, what attitude our parents had to different people, and the country where we live. I am, however, convinced that we have more to gain than loose from opening our minds to other opinions, cultures and ways of reasoning. And the assumption that people with similar backgrounds get along best is easily proven wrong. Put a bunch of people from different countries and walks of life in a house, and force them to live with other - with a little curiosity and time those people will connect and share an experience as well, creating a sense of belonging.

Globalization, with all its problems and solutions is an interesting thing.

Peace

Music At Its Best

2010-08-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

Talib Kweli & Mos Def

"The beautiful thing with hiphop is that it is like audio collage." - Talib Kweli

VOTE!

2010-08-12T03:11:00.001-07:00

Elections go on everywhere every year. That is a cool enough fact. For some people, elections means an entire week off school because of protests and teargas parties going on in town. For others it is a smooth process. Whatever goes down, and of course there are exceptions, but my general opinion on elections is: voting is not only your right and it is a glorious right, but it is also your responsibility. And yes, elections are recounted and rigged. Votes are lost, minds are changed, but somewhere along the road it is a symbolic act - we show that we care about what our society looks like, what the future holds, how things are developing, what sort of education our kids will have etc. So, go, and,

VOTE

Peace

Rewriting a Story, Signing a Petition

2010-08-06T02:51:00.001-07:00

Something that reminds us of our unjust world is that while the topic of a dinner table in Uppsala is ways of losing some of that accumulated extra weight, and what is on the news in the background? Countless stories of starvation. It seems to be a topic discussed a lot, but it isn't talked about enough. Or acted on enough. MSF (Doctors Without Borders) have a petition that will be presented on World Food Day on the 16th of October to food donors around the world, demanding that the humanitarion food aid will "meet nutritional standards for infants and young children".

HERE is the "Starved for Attention" homepage, where there is a lot of information about the situation.

The motto used is "Rewrite the Story" - a hopeful message of change.

And sure, one can be suspicious and wonder how much good it will all do. Well, MSF has been doing a lot of good, and has been vouched for by people who know what they are talking about. So if you are being suspicious - don't be.

The least you can do is sign the petition.

Peace

2010-08-03T15:04:00.000-07:00

After a week and a half of holiday, or semester as the average Swede would put it, we have caught up with a long list of friends and family. Amongst those, my great grandmother Sara. A woman who has lived for 98 years, and even at this age still cooks her own meals, and has opinions about everything. For me, age deserves respect. And with her 98 years of being alive, she is one of the people I respect the most. I respect her for her experience, life lessons, endurance and a kind of wisdom one can probably only acquire over time. We should take care of the elderly. I wish the politics concerning the elderly population would not be so complicated and debatable - couldn't it all just boil down to taking care of the people who walked the walk before we could even talk. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't even be here.

Peace

Water

2010-07-22T04:58:00.000-07:00

Stephanie Powers lived in Kampala when we did, so this is four years back. She has been visiting us in Uppsala this week, and she reminded us of how much she loved doing dishes at our house in Uganda. This happened after a lengthy discussion at the dinner table on whose responsibility it was to deal with the dishes. Even if we have a schedule, the discussion is apparently still necessary. Anyways, Stephanie enjoyed doing dishes at our house, because we had running water, and lots of space - it was convenient. And then she went on to imitate how they did the dishes at the house where she lived - she bent forward in true Ugandan style, bent her right knee a little bit, grabbed the imaginary brush and scrubbed as if her life depended on it.

Running water. A privelege? Of course.

Water. A right? It definitely should be. It rained today for the first time in several weeks, and I doubt rain was ever been so appreciated in the city.

While looking through Stephanies old Uganda pictures we found the following picture. So here it is, the Bitamazire Tap in Lukuli, Kampala:

Peace

2010-07-17T02:49:00.001-07:00

My little sister can sometimes look at the breadbasket, where there are five different types of bread, and claim that "There is no bread." Choice is an interesting thing. It leaves space for complaining, and often the appreciation of choice is forgotten. So some choose to keep it simple, very simple.

Hamncaféet in Enköping

Peace

It's All Good in the Hood?

2010-07-13T00:17:00.001-07:00

As the summer heat wages war on the population of Sweden, al-Shabab wage war on the population of Somalia. And now they have claimed responsibility for the bombs that went off in Kampala during the night of the World Cup final. I have been reading and listening to leaders of terrorist groups spit out hate on the news for the past few days. Märta and I discussed how far off it must feel for the average Swede. Security is not something Sweden lacks. But stuff still goes down. As I came home yesterday, a man had been stabbed outside on of the apartment buildings on our street. Police cars, police tape, big crowd, the whole party. A bicycle had also been thrown through a window, so the glass splinters were well represented. The past few days the neighbours have been referring to this as the usual.

What strikes me about this though is the ability for people to move on. A few hours after someone had called the police, my father and I went to check on some friends who live in the same apartment building. They were fine, more than fine in fact. We laughed at Swedish grammar, and discussed future haircuts. Gangfights, stabbed men, and laughter all in the same street, in the same time span. So who ends up being the victim? And who is the witness?

Later into the night I ended up sitting on the same pavement as the victim and witnesses had walked on, discussing, talking and laughing with some friends. Life goes on. The neighbourhood goes to sleep, and when they wake up, yesterdays events are history.

Peace

Summertime

2010-07-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

Summer means zero routine for some, for us. Waking up and not knowing where the day will end up. Cherish it say the hardworking. And so we do. The philosphical looking one in the middle is Hannah, who spits out rhymes like no mans business. Check them out HERE.

Peace

Stubborn Bleeding Men

2010-07-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

I got off the bus today and walked past the local pizzeria on my way home. There were a few police cars parked outside, which in itself is not something unusual. A lot of people talking, and making a hassle - that is not something unusual either. What was unusual is that in the middle of the chaos a man is just sitting there. He had blood running down his face, and a few policemen were surrounding him with pen and paper, asking him questions. The few seconds that this image was imprinted in my mind, it was as if the man was just staring into the distance, oblivious of the scene. Maybe he could hear the questions being asked, but chose not to listen. As the policeman asked him What is your name? Adress? Insurance? Who did this to you? Who started the fight? maybe the helpless man was honestly wondering What on earth is the sticky substance covering my face? Oh, blood. Now why has nobody given me something to wipe it off with? I like to think that he just sat there and stubbornly refused to answer the questions, waiting for someone to wipe the blood off his face, and get him off the ground into a chair. And then the questions could start arriving. But what do I know? Maybe the man was stubborn enough to just sit there. And his plan sort of ended there. Maybe he enjoyed the attention. Maybe he will still be there when I walk past again, just sitting there, staring off into the distance. Oblivous of the scene.

Peace

2010-07-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have once again been reminded of what a gift life is. And what a completely complex, beautiful, impossible to understand, confusing, yet necessary thing it is. Life is a good thing, and it sucks that status quo seems to be the opposite.

In the pictures below is Egon, the latest member of the Perstrand family, dazzling us with his mere existence. There is something touching about newborn babies. I am convinced that the reason most people are drawn to them is because they naturally display the wonder of life, and despite what past disappointments people have in life, some hope is found in the suggestion of new life.

"I have came so that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance, to the full, until it overflows."

- John 10:10

(Jesus said that)

Peace

Packing & Bugs

2010-06-30T02:41:00.000-07:00

Soon a month has passed since graduation. And since that day it seems like I have only been moving all around the place. My bags are constantly packed, or I am unpacking, repacking or something like that. I'm not complaining, this is way different from the isolated, exam-dominating period of life I have stepped out of. I am actually enjoying it, because it is not as if I am travelling away from something, or trying to escape Gottsunda, I am travelling to something most of the time. Even if I do not know what at times, it is still a destination.

And not very far off, my destination is Uganda. Travelling from one home to another.

(I just sent an ugly looking bug to its death, it is now smudged on my bookshelf. I have a feeling I am going to forget about it, and it will stay there - decorating my shelf. Charming.)

Anna Karenina, with Aina in the background.

Peace

Insignificant Reading & Family

2010-06-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

My father condemns my reading, mainly because he is jealous (my own reason, ofcourse). He says that he cannot bring himself to read for leisure, because there are so many more important things to do. I suggest that he should read on the plane, but then his comeback is that there are people on planes that need people to talk to. He uses a real life example, and so I have officially lost that argument. But the man has a point, soon I will be forty and a very important and busy woman - now I am not, so I have time to read insignificant books, and pretend that I am important. This "life" before life is very much appreciated. Especially when it is spent with family. I had such a discussion with a certain Dora yesterday, that family is often taken for granted. Especially with people in the ages 18-25, it is as if life belongs to them and them alone, and it can end up being very selfish. We forget that we have a responsibility to our family, and what a blessing family actually is.

Peace

2010-06-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

There are several books in my bookshelf that I still haven't finished. All very good books, the problem is that as soon as another crosses my path I find myself opening it and starting on a new one. Impatience, ladies and gentlement - not a pleasant trait. I don't even find myself actively pursuing books, apart from the general venture into a bookstore. And today, Ruth and I ventured into a bookstore, and thank the Lord that we are not the richest on earth, because if that was the case we would have bought an entire shelf. Or just several copies of this book:

Books should not be judged by cover, but I am judging this one - in the good way.

Peace

Operation Eradicate Boxes

2010-06-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

Having slept an average of five hours per night for four nights, and then been social for the remaining time of the day, eaten too many sweets (Sugar Rush x1000), had too little water, and hung out with the greatest crowd on earth we end up in a state known as fatigue. Just as Märta pointed out, the past few days have truly been intensiva, intenstive - hyped - loud - inspiring - enriching - hyped - hyped - hyped. I have been at a conference known as Nyhem, something that the Pentecostal Movement in Sweden organizes each year. Apart from laughter and general chaos, we also went to some good biblestudy sessions and meetings. A lot of good points were made, and my notebook is once again slighlty wiser.

One of the speakers, Marcus Olsson, based his message on Acts 10, where an angel visits Cornelius. Cornelius was, according to his own conviction not good enough to be part of the Church, or to be Christian. Perhaps the people who were in the church also had this opinion. When the angel visited Cornelius this opinion was shattered. I think it is so easy for people who are used to going to church, raised in a Christian environment, to judge others and claim that they are the ones who know how to act, and what to do, and what is right in God's eyes and so forth. That is dum pride. Being righteous is not about becoming more spiritual and floating off the ground in a cloud of holiness. It is about being authentic, down to earth, remaining as human was God created us to be. And maybe that is what Cornelius was, and God saw him. I love the fact that Jesus is all about the relationship between God and man. That relationship does not need man to become supernaturally perfect. God created humans, which in some way signals that he wishes us to remain human. Quite contrary to what many think, God does not supress our humanity, he raises it to what it was intended to be from the Beginning. That was a point Magnus Malm (another speaker, and author as well) made.

Marcus Olsson started his sermon by saying: "As long as you live in a box, that is your reality, your perspective is limited."

My prayer is that we would bust out of the boxes we so comfortably live in, learn the true lesson of humility, and stop judging others. We have no right whatsoever to do that.

Peace

Seizing Days in the Middle

2010-06-14T01:04:00.000-07:00

The blog took a break while I studied, but I guess I am making a slight attempt at reviving it. After the past few months, full of exams, and the festive seasons that followed, it is as if the next challenge is to find the "new normal". The everyday life that I myself can shape. Before i had a schedule to follow, but right now - with no job as of yet, and with a Swedish summer ahead, it seems there is a lot of shaping that needs to be done. I am guessing this is a feeling that one experiences maybe only in these middle areas.

In between happenings in life. In between Graduation and the autumn. Aina always says that "Once you graduate, it all goes BAM, and then you're forty." If that is true, then the BAM better be exciting, and part of that lies in our own expectations and attitude towards life, but also in our decisions and own effort. Life does await. But it is not as if this period is a break from life. Ahh, school makes us believe in one lie - that you can compartmentalize your life into departments. If you don't finish your maths exercises this week, there is next week. And once you've got your grade, you don't need to do the exercises. My goodness, I need to find metaphors that are not related to school. So next time I blog I will be 40, and truly wonder where all the time went, and be using metaphors that apply to raising children and the cheapest and tastiest family dinner. Until then, we'll take it one day at a time, and see what Swedish summer has to offer.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." - Ecclesiastes 3:1

Peace

2010-04-21T12:08:00.000-07:00

As a more agitated and irritated mood swept over me this afternoon, I chose to slowly work through my anger. I wanted to remain in it, no matter how incorrect or stupid, that is what I wanted to do. It went on for a few hours, until I chose to go to church for the evening prayer meeting. Being angry is nothing I enjoy, and so I turned to the place I often go for comfort - the fellowship of a church community. I remember thinking, in the midst of my anger, about how nice it would be if some wonderful thing happened so my anger would subside. I had all sorts of scenarios in my mind, involving people I know; little did I know that the solution to my problem was in the people I did not know. I got on the bus, and a man in his late 60s was having problems paying on the bus. He was unusually social, and asked this "kind, young, black girl" (as he himself named me) to help him send an SMS to get a busticket. And so I did. He was ever so grateful, and he told me about his life, about his days in Nairobi, and I just talked and shared a moment with this strange and intriguing fellow. When he got off the bus, my anger had in fact subsided. I was happier than any moment during the day. It did not stop there. The prayer meeting at church consisted of ten people, most much older than me. The warmth with which I was welcomed was enough to make me cry. And I can do nothing but think that God sent those people into my life, on this day, to show me that people matter. A conversation can do so much. Exchanging words about everyday things is more than just words - it carries atmosphere, encouragement, fellowship and life. And so I remain thankful, and not even slightly angry at whatever it was that stole my attention in the earlier stage of the afternoon.

People matter.

Peace

2010-04-10T01:46:00.000-07:00

It rained last night, and so one can finally smell the spring in the air. It is so refreshing I have left my window open, despite the chilly weather outside. So far, there have been no complaints from the rest of the family about the next Ice Age creeping into the apartment. Easter break is soon over, and I can truly say I have relaxed. I have glanced at the piles of books on my desk, realized that they can wait - relaxation needs to be given some priority! But the biggest lesson i think i've been reminded of this week is thankfulness. Ida wrote something about being thankful in her latest update. When one is thankful for the smallest things - be it the melody of a song, or a short conversation with a sister, it lightens up the darkest day. And if there is one thing I hope for, it is that I will always be thankful for the smallest of circumstances in my life. Thankfulness can wipe out bitterness and frustration.

Peace

Fakin' and Findin' Freedom

2010-03-13T01:16:00.000-08:00

Mock Exams are over, and they have been for almost exactly 48 hours now. After the last exam a few of us took advantage of Hannah's driving license and drove around town for a while. We went through the most random CD collections, and played songs that pumped energy, joy and freedom into our exhausted selves. We sang loud and off key, and did a wonderful job at forgetting the fact that it was all an illusion. Mock Exams are definitely over, and we now have a few days that we can use to breathe and sleep, but Exams are just around the corner, and it is only after that that we will be able to sing those freedom songs at the top of our lungs for real. We all await that day with excitement.

Yesterday was definitely a day lived in complete illusion. As we walked around town half of us thought it was summer, and the concept of school and lessons was so far off it was almost ridiculous. The day was so wonderful, it was hard to put a lable on it. It seemed to float above our normal lives.

I guess illusions are pleasant, but as the day went along and things happened and some events were more succesful as others, I found myself thinking that true freedom is amongst the hardest to find. Some people find freedom in situations, or perhaps in the passing of a difficult situation. Graduation will mark our freedom from School and all that comes with it. If I call myself a free person, which I believe I am, then I also believe my freedom to be constant. It is something that I believe Jesus to be the source of, and as he is constant, then so is my freedom. It is a freedom that does not change according to situation, and that is one of the greatest strengths one can have in Everyday Life. Yesterday was a good day, and the illusion of no school will live on for another 48 hours, but then after that it is back to normal. And no matter how hard reality and "normal" turn out to be, getting through the life we face day after day is an accomplishment in itself that makes me smile. Reality does have a tendency to be labelled with the negative, but maybe we all just need to give it the chance to offer the positive.

Fantasy is what people want, reality is what they need.

Lauryn Hill said that in her MTV Unplugged session, which also happens to be one of the best sessions ever.

Peace

Kitchen Table

2010-01-29T14:22:00.000-08:00

I share a kitchen with four other people, those being my family. It is our kitchen, our fridge, our food, and our kitchen table. At times, like now, only my elbow rests upon it. Other times, the noise level rises as we all sit there - smiling, fighting, laughing, eating, breathing, singing, living, reading and living. Life and movement could sum up what goes on at that table. And even tonight, as four of the seats remain vacant, the same life, love and energy still lingers.

When I get my own kitchen table, at some point in the future, I hope each seat will be occupied most of the time. Always is perhaps impossible, since we do need to live outside of the kitchen too. But the chairs should fulfill their purpose, and whether it is a small gathering of friends, or a large family, or just me in my comfortable solitude, I hope that the Kitchen Table Legacy will become a big part of everyday life.

The ordinary remains fascinating.
Peace

World, Sweden, Uppsala, Geijersgatan, Room.

2010-01-17T10:10:00.000-08:00

Aina thought she was in Hong Kong and the Philippines today. Erika enjoyed the warmth of Aina's room, taking her summer illusion to new heights by wearing tie-and-dye trousers. I was convinced that I was in Kenya. And there we were, listening to a good selection of hiphop, soul, rock, world and jazz; each working with our own set of assignments. There we were, in a ridiculously diverse environment. There was conversation, useless babble and necessary babble; there was comfortable silence and laughter, a lot of laughter. Desirée popped in, stayed, planned to leave several times, failed at that, and then left. Aina was in Hong Kong because her room was so small, and I had to sit on the floor in order to eat my lunch in the most convenient way. Erika enjoyed the warmth, because of the precious cooking that had been done in the room. I was in Kenya, because the heavy bassline of one of the songs, combined with laughter always takes me back to Nairobi. We had our own personal associations. They were perhaps completely different, but they were there united in one, small room. And as I left, I stepped out into Sweden and Snow, with Sean Paul's voice booming into my ears. That is what I call a diverse world. Globalization. Making it possible to be in several places, while only physically being in one. Making it possible for several places to find their way to one small, room.
One, small, diverse room.
Peace

Impressed.

2010-01-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

Something that our family has always discussed is the "Swedish system" or "Swedish society", and we end up coming to one conclusion: It functions. This is in fact impressive, inspite of the other complaints one may have about Sweden. This system (that functions) can benefit a lot of people, the entire population to be exact, if the population choses to exist in this system and abide to a few rules. When considered, it is not that hard. There is a department for everything in this country, and if something malfunctions, then there is a back up plan for that too. And if the back up plan fails, then they fix it. Somehow. A lot of people complained about how the lines to get the swine flu vaccination were so long. They complained and complained about how the Swedish government or Health Department did not handle it properly. Well, at least we got the vaccine. And that hardly belongs in the "at least" list. I would like to see the people complaining doing a better job themselves! People will always complain, for various reasons. Some may complain because they just do not like a country. But let us be naive, and humanitarian and assume that the reason behind the complaining is because people believe that they can change things. Useless complaining is pointless. But what if people are willing to complain, write a proposal, and try to change something? That is impressive. People who see things they want to change, and make an effort are impressive. This is an observation I made last week, when a girl a few years younger than me simply explained a plan she had to change something in her everyday life. I automatically started questioning her plan, but she had thought about it. She had planned. And I hope the people who stand in the way of this plan, will look past the slang terms and first impressions (which we often stop by, and stay there) and hear her out. Because the plan is in fact impressive. And this system that Swedish society is built on was formed by people who wanted change, and did something. And the leaders will hopefully keep changing things, developing, trying to improve. Everything can be made better, but realizing that something is good is never wrong either.
Peace

2010-01-01T10:17:00.000-08:00

A Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy & A CocaCola Bottle

I quote my Dad:
"I do not remember the books we read in school... Oh, no wait. I do remember a few, and I remember hating one of them. I hated it so much, and could not understand the point. I think it was called... Wuthering Heights."
Been there, done that.
School literature. I love most of the literature that school feeds us with, but cannot help but be amused by the concept of several generations being forced to read and analyze Shakespeare, Tolstoy, Woolf, Plath, Beckett etc.
To quote Blackadder after having gone back in time and met Shakespeare, and as he proceeds to beat him up:

"This is for every schoolboy and schoolgirl for the next four hundred years. Have you any idea how much suffering you are going to cause. Hours spent at school desks trying to find one joke in 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? Years wearing stupid tights in school plays and saying things like 'What ho, my lord' and 'Oh, look, here comes Othello, talking total crap as usual.' Oh, and... [He kicks Shakespeare, who's still on the ground....] that is for Ken Branagh's endless uncut four-hour version of 'Hamlet'."

Peace

2009-12-31T00:15:00.000-08:00

Hanna and I spent a few hours talking about time and how it flies yesterday .And during the discussion I realized once again how hard it is to grasp time, to understand it. It is amongst the most useless discussions because it wastes time. It seems that we, or my brain at least, can handle the concept of an hour, a day, a week, a month and possible a year. Maybe even a few years, but beyond that it becomes very abstract. It becomes daunting and wierd. Especially since i have only lived for nearly two decades. Having a good memory helps handle the time that has passed, since you can hopefully account for it, evaluate it and so on. But if you cannot remember it, then there is a big block of PAST that has happened, and it took time and now I see how my thoughts are confusing themselves. And when trying to understand the big block of FUTURE time, one can only hope that the time will be filled with things of worth. With people, experiences, with what-have-yous. Time is constant though, no matter how varied it can feel at times. Some days run away; others stagger along. Conclusion? Settle for the simple, because the abstract and complicated will not let itself be explained. Live in the simple, but take occasional trips to the complicated? Or maybe realize the simple, and through that understand the "complicated".
So there is the last day of this decade left to live; it will not be as dramatic as it sounds. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." (Matthew 6:34)
Happy New Year!
Peace

2009-12-24T09:27:00.000-08:00

The humid air chokes her melody. A few years back, her melody was as free as the chirping birds --- she remembers them. She remembers a time when the clouds were not just a shelter from the unbearable heat, but a place that she resided in. When time was not her enemy, but her friend. Her brother moans, and she embraces him. She closes her eyes, finds stillness and sings a melody of the Past, one that has always brought her comfort. She rocks her brother back and forth, gently, sisterly, lovingly. A breeze sails past and relieves the two of the thick air. Her heart stirs in recognition, as if she heard the breeze whisper to her. [The latest out of "Thud", that is coming along slowly]

All imperfection is easier to tolerate if served up in smaller doses; I think Szymborska said that. The above text is out of a bigger text, but when pulled out of context, it may apply to a larger audience and not be too overdone. The importance and power of music is something that my parents taught me, since they sing all the time, and somehow singing is done subconsiously by every member of our family. Whether we actually can sing or not is not important, we just appreciate and spread music. I watched a few scenes out of Dreamgirls yesterday, and the voices in that movie jazz me into some other world. Jennifer Hudson has one craaazy voice. And it was only a few days ago that Aretha Franklin's voice combined with the choir sang that wonderful bit in "You've got a friend" and i had to stop what i was doing and just listen, crunch up my face and recover from that beautiful pulse that just hit my face, and my soul. Music must be one of the greatest things God invented, and so all credit to Him for that. Because on any grey day, any note, or simple melody has the power to encourage. This is the beginning of the bigger text:

Thud. Thud. Thud. She steps out of her place in the choir, leaving the comfort of the multitude and makes her way to the edge of the stage. Thud thud thud. Her heartbeat quickens, her heart wants to beat out of her chest. It’s painful, but the adrenaline eliminates any negative effect – it is all necessary. Inhale. Exhale. A trumpet sounds, the saxophone enters and the piano answers back. The drums calm her down, steady her heartbeat, and she is now in time with the music. That’s her intro. She approaches the microphone stand, and only now can she see what is beyond the stage. People. The bustle of expectation merges together with the orange, blue, red, purple and all other colours creating controlled chaos. The eyes of the thousands all focus on her, waiting for a fantastic performance. A crowd so big, it scares her. She misses her line… her heart is off beat. --- The intro starts again. The drums lead her back to the right tone, the right beat. She’s moving, her feet feel the joy. The rhythm sways her body to and fro, it penetrates and conquers any fear.

Peace

There is (italicised) something in the air

2009-12-18T09:00:00.001-08:00

At some point today there was something that seemed to take hold of everyone in the school corridors; we all went giddy and jolly and giggly and happy for a good twenty minutes. When it had passed, and we went back to thinking about why they had curry in the fish for lunch, Carolina made an observation about it: "Did you all notice the moment of good Christmas Holiday Spirit that just passed?" and we all agreed. So, some people have gone off to far away places to celebrate Christmas with their families, others stay in the same place as always and find time to breathe, others sit with their close friends sharing memories; and while some are alone, and others are together, I want to make a shift in my bitter attitude towards this controversial season. For even if commercialism does take a lot of the attention, and there is the longest list of things that seem wrong with how civilization celebrates Christmas, being negative and anti-everything is no solution. Celebrating something has never been a crime. Obvious you say? Well, for some that is a recent realization. So here goes:
Merry Christmas,
Peace

Efterklok (Possibly a Swedish word)

2009-12-07T11:24:00.000-08:00

You know your intelligence levels are dropping when your little sister can out talk you in a conversation about democracy. This is when you save your pride by asking a question you know she cannot answer, take "What are the faults of economic theory?" for example. Unfortunately, the sister is not only intelligent but has fast comebacks, because all she did was look me straight in the face and in a very confident, matter-of-fact way state: "You are." Ofcourse, all the clever remarks that I think up before i fall asleep at night did not come flying to my rescue then. So there i was, at the mercy of my 12 year old sister: defeated.
All the smart comments turn up hours later; how helpful. I think the Swedish term is efterklok, or something like that. I wonder, is there a remedy? What if all the right, or good words would exist at the tip of our tongue constantly? Then we would get rid of the nights spent re-thinking conversations, over and over and over again. That is another common thing that is completely useless - going through past event and dialogues that disturb us in some way, over and over again in our minds, thinking that it will help. What is past is past... but i just need to try rethinking it the right way one more time. Pathetic and timeconsuming. It shows that our thoughts need to be activated in the right areas in order to say the right things. I guess spending hours on facebook tends to generate comebacks like "Ummm..." ; what the mouth speaks the heart and mind is full of (edited version).

I leave this update with the thoughts of Ariel Dorfman:
How do we keep the past alive without becoming its prisoner? How do we forget it without risking its repetition in the future? Is it legitimate to sacrifice the truth in order to ensure peace? And what are the consequences of suppressing that past and the truth that it whispering or howling to us? [September 11th, 1991]

Peace

2009-11-30T13:05:00.001-08:00

The book i am reading at the moment is one of the best i have ever read. And i am only on page seventy; there is honestly so much to think about, to process. Every single sentence seems to stop you in your tracks, make you put down the book and just breathe in the sharp, painful, redeeming and joy-bringing truth. So i would like to share the few conclusions i have managed to put words to: these are my thoughts, supported by some claims made in the book, based on the Bible. If you claim that words have power, then you can not even begin to imagine what power God's word has. So onto what made my heart jump: Civilization tells us that as long as we make a monthly donation to a particular organization we have done our charitable duties. I hate the word charity, and i do not even know what it means, but it has a negative ring to it. Because what i see infront of me is a rich man handing a dollar bill to a poor mother who really just needs a hug or a talk and this rich man just returns back to his comfort and he cannot be okay either because he obviously gives this dollar bill to justify himself in some way. Guilt, is that what he feels? What if, the key to liberation in each of us lies in fellowship? A conversation, spending quality time with a person. The Bible says that we can find Jesus in the eyes of the poor, and in the eyes of the hurting. What if the place of freedom for this rich man is to simply spend time with the poor mother? It is the simplest of thoughts, and someone is reading this and rolling their eyes thinking that a conversation cannot solve a problem. And i guess a conversation is not going to take away AIDS. But what about feeling important? What about the spiritual? That dollar bill, which will buy a meal or so, will never match up to quality time with another person. And having to make that sacrifice is something we should all do. We were created that way, in need of fellowship. That makes the wellbeing of the people around us a responsibility. Wouldn't it be nice if we could quit being hypocrites, give up something of our own, and truly just live --- and be --- and breathe --- and live--- for others? Peace

2009-11-22T00:55:00.000-08:00

Belfast suffers from either the Island Syndrome, or the UK Syndrome. If you have been following Europe focused news you know that England is drowning in floods, and all radio stations are pulling awful jokes about it. So as I wake up in one of the greatest cities in Europe, the wind outside has made it's presence very apparent. This trip to Belfast is coming to an end, and it has all gone a little too fast. It has been an amazing week; we've all made new aquaintances, made fun of accents, broken a few ribs from laughing and other activities, and had a good, goood, goooood time! We are staying with a wonderful family, the McBrides. Emphasis on the word family - because that is truly what they are. I have no idea what the dictionary definition of family is, but I would like to argue that everyone needs one. No matter what happens after birth, we are all born into some sort of family. They differ in shapes, sizes, noise levels, social status and so on, but family is family. They are not something we've paid for, and can return at any time. A family is priceless, and the bonds one shares with family members is permanent. Whether disputes, distance or death try to separate - the bond can hardly be broken. While some families hurt, ache and cannot find ways to find peace and others seem to have a fun, easy time constantly; I believe in the power of a family; whether broken, or not. Illusions tell us that some families are perfect - in the sense that there is no fighting or any difficult issues. Yet fighting is natural, and only strengthens relationships. We all have to give and take, learn to appreciate, agree to disagree, laugh at old mistakes, and deal with issues, instead of running away from them. Maybe the thought is naive, but I do not think any family is beyond repair. And the more time that is put into a family, the stronger the foundation, and when the winds hit; we'll stand united. It is everyone's, each member's responsibility. The way we as humans are brought into the world, and straight into a family, with bloodbonds and so on --- it shows that God obviously had a thought with families. And ignoring the importance of family is a shame. As a Christian I am child of God, making me part of his family. That is a pretty big family, and the same rules apply there - any family is worth fighting for. Lisa McLendon spells it out in the best way in one of her songs:

Sometimes I get frustrated with you,

And sometimes you get frustrated with me,

But no matter how hard it may get,

We're stuck with each other,

Might as well get over it.

Peace

Having a go at Civilization [Edition 2]

2009-11-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

Copy paste and cut paste and copy cut and cut copy and all these seemingly new shortcuts that overwhelm my basic computer skills enable me to transport all texts written in Word into one, big, epic, file. This has its consequences. After copy-pasting, i end up with empty files, with interesting names. Last time this happened, i found an old Word file titled "Train of thought", and I got all excited - a title that cheesy must have some good content. Or so i thought, because apparently the train of thought left on my computer is empty. All this thanks to that stupid shortcut. So now i have a "Train of Thought" text, somewhere on the computer, but thanks to the new shortcut i do not know where it is.
[I have a point with this]
I realize it is farfetched, and the introduction may have been unnecessary, timeconsuming, and maybe a little bit entertaining. Shortcuts: man's own invention to be able to live through procrastination without regret, and man's incredible way of avoiding the hard and temporary pain [which then results in constant pain for some]. The man who taught me morals came back home a few days ago, and with stories from the places he has been and people he has talked to. He told me about a twelve year old girl who takes care of her siblings, and has built a house from scratch to shelter from the rain. See, for her, the pain is not only in her soul, it expresses itself in the physical pain felt when that rain seeps through the hatch roof she spent hours patching. That does not only put things into perspective, but reminds me of how extremely lazy one can be sometimes. Civilization creates shortcuts for things that aren't even hard to do - i saw a kitchen appliance that cut the apple into perfect pieces, oh and you avoid the seeds at the same time. Great invention; thankyou for creating a problem where there is none. Civilization solves unnecessary problems. And i cannot help but think - civilization seeks to find problems in the small areas, solve them, feel good about it, but why? To avoid the Greater Question? Because we all know civilization cannot answer the question of who we are, why we exist. When God is brought into the picture, civilization only creates these shortcuts - away from facing the answer - into something else. It is temporary. Shortcuts are temporary. Soon we will all be back on the same road; and that shortcut, was just a different road, leading in the wrong direction.
I realize the shortcut metaphor is faulty, but it seems that these thoughts are universal; therefore, there is no need to explain them.
We need to face reality.

The Many Uses of Newspaper

2009-11-12T12:15:00.000-08:00

As the press prints the newspapers for tomorrow today, they have a rough idea of whom is going to read what. Their market research tells them that the educated will start at the front, while the normal will start at the back. They know that they will sell approximately the same number of copies as yesterday, if not more since people want to know things, they need to know stuff. What they print, we read, and believe. The evening tabloids are not taken to be true all the time, but the respectable newspapers seem to be accepted most of the time. As the press prints the newspapers for tomorrow, a journalist has put a lot of effort into every sentence, every adjective used to describe; every verb used to analyze a certain situation. His hope is that his opinion will open someone's eyes. Some will open the newspaper, and read it back to back, and truly appreciate the words, the messages and the awareness that it creates. Others will frown and decide that it is all useless anyways. Others will make paperplanes, fly them high, watch them die, waiting for time to pass by. Some will read, get bored, move on. Others will cut out fun images, draw moustaches on important people's faces, write an essay based on an article, recycle for the sake of recycling... Paper after paper after paper in the postboxes, on desks, in bags, in baskets, on floors, in bins; making the layer of temporary warm security between the worn out skin of Someone and the cold ice air. If you catch my thought.
To contrast this; the shops in town have welcomed the future, and gone all Christmas crazy. And instead of hating the early timing, i embrace it. Can you see it? That cup of cinammon tea, red warmth, family and friends, inside, in the warmth, not needing newspapers to keep one warm (whether thoughts or body). Ignore the Christmas craze, and find the calm in Christmas, the Hope of Christmas. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas! Catch this thought too.
Peace

Dedicated to Bob the Drunk

2009-11-07T02:50:00.001-08:00

There is a period in the Swedish weather change that is unfortunately quite boring. It is the shift from the warm autumn colours into the whiteness of winter. For a period of two or three weeks, everything ends up in this grey area. The leaves have abandoned the trees, and lie dying on the ground waiting to be blown off and decompose, and the trees stand there, neglected. Every time it half rains and half snows there is this hope that the temperature will drop below zero so the grey will be lit up by the white beauty of the snow. Because no matter how inconvenient snow is for life in general, it is more pleasing to the eye than the naked trees and grey asphalt. It is this period of change that Sweden has entered into, and the streets are empty because people tend to seek comfort in the warmth of their houses. If they happen to have houses to seek warmth in that is. Because it was only yesterday that I came home relatively late and bumped into a drunkard (will now be known as Bob) trying to get into our apartment building; was he seeking warmth? Did he know somebody in the building? As i waited for my sister to come downstairs and open the door for me (some dum ghetto child has messed with the lock, so one cannot get in with a key), Bob and I had a short conversation about loss of family members and funerals. Bob is burying his Father on Monday. And as i lay in my warm bed i could not help but think: What is a warm apartment building when the cold breeze always seem to find it's way to the soul? I do not even know what happened to Bob that night, whether he fell asleep in the stairs of the apartment building, or whether he found his way to an acquaintance. Hopefully Bob likes snow, because otherwise it will be a tough winter, as for many. And here we sit, in our cozy apartment buildings, complaining about our stupid little developed country issues, spending more time dressing our exterior than thinking about what goes on in our interior. It is pathetic. Despicable. Disgusting. A big shame.

2009-10-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Looking like i just jumped out of bed i got onto the bus Nr 1 to Gottsunda. The bus was almost empty, but supplied a man sleeping peacefully and a familiar face with seats. I happily dragged my exhausted feet over to Hanna Sandmark, the girl who manages to make half the world laugh, and the rest of the world smile! We chattered away like we do, and it turned into one of those hope-filled, psyched, we-both-talk-at-the-same-time, joy bringing conversations. Hanna is going to be a cool, popular, french speaking, wine sipping, accent dropping student in France in a year. Yeah that's right. We discussed how different our paths will be after Graduation, and how some will work, while others will go study straight away. People always inform the Graduating Flock that the "working life" is completely different from "school life", and we all nod and smile say "Yeah, I can imagine!". But can we really imagine? It is so far off. And my naive little mind tries so hard to picture a life where the daily dose of lessons, breaks, assignments, drafts, deadlines and so on do not exist - but it cannot. We are all wrapped up cozy in our cocoons, some cozier than others, knowing that life will change soon, but we have no idea how much. The change from cocoon to butterfly is dramatic. Suddenly the wings that were there all along have a purpose. It may take a while for the wings to understand why they are there, but given time, they will understand. There will be more colour, movement, a pulse to follow and (excuse the cheesiness) but an entire world to explore. We may like our secure and cozy cocoons, but something tells me we will enjoy flying a whole lot more.
Peace

Graduation Thoughts

2009-10-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

The clock of life seems to have moved into fast forward phase. Yesterday, after my last class I spent an hour or so with Aina in the school corridors. At that time of evening, we were basically the only people in the corridor, so we busted out good music, and talked about this and that which eventually led to talk of graduation. Graduation seems to be running towards us, and between now and then, time is not enough to do all the things, but most importantly - to say all the things we want to say. It is as if we are standing on a busy highway, and vehicle after vehicle whizz past us, snatching drafts and essays out of our hands, shaking us for a moment but then leaving us standing at the same point - wondering, worrying, wishing. The only thing is that we are not at the same point, because in some miraculous way we are moving forward, gathering knowledge, discarding old opinions, and putting on new ones. We are moving forward, people. And i will allow the sentimental side win now - but honestly, do you guys realize how far we have come? Some of you came to this random country a few days before you started IB, and had to cope with the culture outside the walls of school as well as the random one inside the walls. Some still hate the culture outside the walls, but have fought to stay, and fought to stay focused. Others seem to have sailed calmly through the entire process, with their big brains and bigger thoughts. Diverse - that is what we are. So when we stand there, just about to run out those big, oak doors I know that among all other emotions - I will be honoured to run out of that building with you. These are my graduation thoughts, and I present them in a time when i feel that time is moving way too fast. This year may be a battle against time, but at least this way we will see what relationships, values and situations can stand the test of time. Graduation, the end bringing the beginning.
Peace

Thinking (temporary loss of sanity).

2009-10-16T12:16:00.000-07:00

Thought after thought after thought, all jam packed and pack jammed into lines, into clusters, into armies of words, sentences and experiences. Climbing over each other, breathing each others air, sharing ideas, destroying ideas, helping progress, encouraging procrastination and what not. They have a world of their own. Some thoughts rise from ashes, and form ideas and plans that can only come from a true Source. While others seem to torment, and pull one further away from the Source. To think that something so abstract can take so much of ones time - depriving one from sleep, peace and in some cases common sense.

Thoughts are powerful weapons. We give them so much power. Too much power? Possibly. We assume that if we think something about ourselves, it is true. Thoughts and feelings seem to have a secret pact. Thought said to Feeling; "If I appear and give Person an idea, then You can hide all the side-effects of this obviously bad idea". What Feeling doesn't know is that when the side-effects arrive, Feeling is the one who takes the hardest blow, and Thought floats blissfully into Nonexistence. Our emotions fool themselves, and we fool ourselves through that.
Healthy thoughts should be on our agenda, but controlling thoughts is like getting out of a traffic jam. You need practice, you need skill and you need a no nonsense attitude that smacks all negative thoughts straight across the face. And in a lot of cases, divine intervention.

And you need to know how to drive, you definitely want to know how to drive if you intend to get out a traffic jam. Learn how to drive those thoughts to whichever place they belong.

Peace

2009-10-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

When faced with the question "Why do you not like snow?", a lot of people will refer to the cold that accompanies it. That question was what filled my ever so confused mind (it is October, and it is snowing, confusion is allowed) on the bus this morning. As the bus approached the Slottsbacken busstop where i get off, i had an epiphany, and I almost laughed at the answer and I found a certain joy in the realization of the reason behind my hostile attitude towards snow. Snow is simply a foreign concept in my mind. I look at it, and I can admire it from a distance, I can even enjoy the occasional snowball fight but i cannot come to accept it's presence for more than half an hour. I doubt i will ever be able to find white things falling from the sky a normal thing. I find it comical, abstract and unreal. I managed to fool myself before the winter came that Swedish weather was something for me, and even longed for it. In short - my heart lies somewhere else, in the red earth of a continent further South, where the dust , nightime rhythms and tropical rains dominate.
To further develop this thought - we can fool ourselves that Earth is our real home. And it is our home, on a temporary basis. We were created not only as physical beings, but we are body, mind and soul. To present a thought, theory, belief: Heaven is the goal, and in Heaven life will be as it was meant to be, as God had intended from the beginning. The Book of Revelations paints a beautiful image: "there will be no more death, or crying or pain, the old order of things has passed away". So when simple matters take ones attention, and everyday problems seem to weigh ones soul down, to know that there is a Hope, there is a Home for ones weary soul - that is hope, that is inspiration, that is joy.
Maybe the question should be "Why do you love snow?". It reminds me that there is something else. For evil to exist, the opposite must be there. There must be good, there must be Hope.

Hope is the thing with feathers-
That perches in the soul-
That sings the tune without the words-
And never stops - at all-
Emily Dickinson

Peace